


Mundane Magic

by Perpetual Motion (perpetfic)



Category: Law & Order: SVU, The Blue Stones - Fandom
Genre: Crossover, Get Together, M/M, Magic, absolutely excessive amounts of farting, book gremlins, gayle did you write fan fiction for your own original universe, prompt bingo, water goblins, yes i did
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-01
Updated: 2020-04-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:47:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23431177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perpetfic/pseuds/Perpetual%20Motion
Summary: Rafael's got water goblins. And book gremlins. Sonny, it turns out, can get it all cleaned up.
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr.
Comments: 15
Kudos: 46
Collections: April 2020 Barisi Bingo





	Mundane Magic

Rafael rubs his eyes as Liv catches him up on where the squad is with the case and can't quite swallow his yawn. "Sorry," he says when Liv gives him a bemused look. "Long week."

"Don't I know it," she says and stands to stretch. She glances past Rafael's shoulder and looks surprised. "Is your coffee pot dry?"

"Yeah," Rafael says without looking back. He jerks a thumb towards the sink. "I've got a water goblin infestation, so I have to leave to get water, and it's harder than you'd think."

Liv glances at the sink. "You didn't call it in?"

"I did, but apparently this is a particularly bad year for water goblins, so I'm not sure when a Blue Stone is going to be able to get in here and deal with the problem."

Liv looks at Rafael, surprise on her face. "You didn't just call Carisi?"

"Why would I call Carisi for a magical infestation issue?"

Liv's surprised look turns into one of amusement. "He's a Blue Stone."

"What?"

"Yeah. He's mentioned it more than once when you've been in the room."

Rafael gives her a hard look, but when Liv's expression doesn't change, he admits defeat with a shrug. "Let's not pretend I generally listen to what comes out of his mouth."

"No, you're usually too busy just staring at it," Liv replies with an arch look that Rafael meets with one of his own. It's a standing conversation they don't need to lose to the details. "Want me to send him over?"

"Please."

*

Sonny shows up an hour later. He greets Rafael with the same bright smile he always has and walks over to the sink. "The Lieu said you have water goblins."

"Yeah," Rafael says, standing and sliding his hands into his pockets because he's not sure what to do with them. "I called the official Blue Stones line, but apparently there's a big break out of the little bastards right now."

"Yeah, it happens if the winter's mild," Sonny replies without looking at Rafael. He reaches into...well, _nothing_ as far as Rafael can see, but his fingertips briefly seem to vanish before he's back with a wand. "Water goblins love grime," Sonny says as he flicks his wand and creates a shimmery...something...around the sink. "Most winters, there's enough snow and rain and stuff that everyone's pipes get a good cleaning. But, it's been a mild winter, so they're basically everywhere."

Rafael can't help stepping up to the sink and leaning against the wall to watch Sonny work. Sonny taps his fingers against the shimmery cover he's created around the sink, then reaches through and turns on the cold water. The faucet spits out a sputter of water, and then, in a tumble, a series of water goblins. They're matchstick thin little creatures with translucent hands and feet. Their heads are covered in tiny, dirty droplets that look like hair. 

"They're almost cute," Rafael says as the goblins realize they're stuck behind the shimmery barrier and start yelling and hitting it.

"Yeah, almost," Sonny replies, cutting Rafael a quick grin. He reaches under his collar and pulls out a thin, silver chain. At the end of it is a small stone in a glass globe. It's blue with white wisps, like someone's cut a circle of summer sky and put it under display. As Sonny murmurs under his breath, the stone glows. When he's done, the water goblins have disappeared, and the stone is back to an inert state. 

"What is that? The stone?" Rafael asks. "If it's not too personal."

"Nah, it's fine." Sonny cradles the glass globe in his palm and looks at the stone. "It's blue calcite."

"It's pretty," Rafael says. 

"Yeah, it really felt right the first time I held it," Sonny replies, then tucks the chain back under her shirt. He removes the shimmery barrier from the sink and turns on the water again. No water goblins fall out. "There you go," he says, flashing Rafael a quick smile. "You can use your sink again. I'll call the main office and let them know you're covered."

"I didn't realize you did this sort of work," Rafael says because he can't help but dig for information. Blue Stones, Rafael knows, can be anyone, but by and large, trained Blue Stones tend to be women because of some very old-fashioned ideas about whose job it is to clean up domestic messes. 

"Well, I mean, I'm not an official Cleaner," Sonny says. "But I've been doing pick up work as a general Blue Stone and also as a Cleaner since I decided to go to law school. It was a reliable way to cover costs, you know? New York's always got some sort of magical work that's needed."

"There's a lot of people to make things interesting," Rafael says.

"Exactly," Sonny replies. He gives Rafael another smile. "Feel free to just call or text me if you have other stuff pop up. The Cleaners are always there, but it's fine if I just come over and take care of it."

Rafael snorts. "That must make the organizational demons livid."

Sonny chuckles. "Oh, yeah, but they hate us for a lot of reasons." He makes his wand disappear into the same empty air it came from. "I'll see you later, Barba."

"Thanks, Carisi," Rafael replies.

*

Two weeks later, Rafel takes a book off the shelf halfway through a conversation with Rita and yells when it shifts in his hands. He drops it to the floor, and it transforms before his eyes. A head pops out of the top of the book, and feet and legs from the bottom. Arms pop from the spine and the folio. 

"Oh, no," Rita says and takes a large step back. 

Rafael does as well, though it doesn't save him from the smell when the book gremlin cackles, bends over, and farts dust and a smell that instantly brings up the memory of the dusty, mold-spotted paperbacks Rafael's friends used to swap back and forth behind the middle school. 

"How the hell did you get book gremlins?" Rita asks as the book gremlin lunges at her. She side-steps it and watches it slam into the wall. "If it weren't your book, I'd kick it."

"Kick it anyway. I can replace it," Rafael replies. He taps the intercom button and waits for Carmen to answer. 

"Yes, Mr. Barba?"

"Call and see if Carisi can get over here," he says. "Tell him I've got a book gremlin."

There is the barest pause. "I'll let you know," Carmen says, and the intercom clicks off.

There's a _thunk_ , and when Rafael turns to see what's happened, the book gremlin is in mid-air, arms and legs flailing. It hits the ground with the reverbarting thud of a law book dropped from three feet high. Unfortunately, it doesn't phase the book gremlin, who jumps up and charges Rita again, clearly deciding she is a worthy foe. 

"Help," Rita says with all the disdain she can manage as she dodges the thing again.

Rafael looks around his office, then empties his wastebasket and steps from behind his desk. The book gremlin is gearing up to run at Rita again, so it's an easy matter of dropping the wastebasket over it and then standing on it with his foot to keep it from escaping. 

It does not, unfortunately, stop the thing from farting again. 

"I'll reschedule," Rita says, covering his nose and mouth. 

"Hand me a couple of books before you go?" Rafael asks. 

Rita does so, grabbing a couple of random law books off the shelf before fleeing the growing stench of moldy paper and old wet. 

Rafael puts the books on top of the wastebasket and is pleased to see the book gremlin can't escape with the weight on top of its cage. He opens a window to let in some fresh air and taps the intercom button when it pings. 

"Detective Carisi says he'll be here in ten minutes," Carmen says. "He said it'd be a good idea to keep the thing away from the rest of your books just in case."

Rafael's head snaps up just in time to see the two books he'd put on top of the wastebasket, vibrate off and fall onto the floor. They morph into more gremlins. "Shit."

"I'm going to take an early lunch," Carmen says in her 'I am not saving you from yourself,' tone. "Need anything?"

"No," Rafael replies, sighing heavily as the two new book gremlins get the wastebasket off the first. "There's scotch in my desk."

*

By the time Sonny shows up ten minutes later, Rafael's office is covered in patches of dust and smells like the dime paperback cart he remembers from the shabby bookstore his grandmother likes to shop at. 

"Oh, shit," Sonny says when he lets himself in. "Did they all three spawn at once?"

"One at first, but I'd already put other books near the first one before Carmen said not to," Rafael replies. He's got an umbrella in one hand, and he's using it to keep the gremlins at bay. "I've never had more than one gremlin before. I didn't know they could reproduce."

"As far as we know, it's not reproduction. It's something to do with how their magic interacts with books once they're active. It makes it easier for other book gremlins to find them, and if there's books or a stack of papers to run to, they can join in the fun."

"Fun," Rafael says, taking a low swipe at the book gremlins with the umbrella. Two of them run to the far end of the office. The third starts jumping at the umbrella like it's a game. "Please tell me this smell comes out of clothes."

"Oh, yeah. It'll fade out pretty quick." 

Rafael feels the brush of a wand against his sleeve. "Need anything from me?"

"Keep poking at them with that," Sonny says, gesturing to the umbrella. "It'll be easier to capture them."

"Can't you just banish them and leave my books in peace?"

"Yes, but then you'll have fart dust all over your books."

Rafael sighs in defeat. "Fine." He glances at Sonny to figure out their next move and blinks in surprise at Sonny's entire arm up to the elbow disappearing into thin air. "Okay, what are you even doing?"

"Let's concentrate on the problem at hand," Sonny replies as his arm reappears with a large, translucent box. He turns it upside down and moves behind the book gremlin. The other book gremlins make a run for him, but Sonny ignores them, nodding at Rafael to stop pushing the book gremlin away as he positions the box to fall straight down over it. 

The moment the box is in place, there's a hum and crackle, and then a book gremlin is fully trapped in the box. It farts, grumbles, then sits down, clearly unhappy to have been caught. 

The other two gremlins, realizing what's happening, have run away from Sonny. One dives under Rafael's couch. The other ducks under Rafael's desk. 

"Okay, keep an eye on the one under the couch," Sonny says. "The one under the desk is cornered enough, I think I can get it pretty easy."

"Sure," Rafael says. He keeps an eye on the one under the couch. It glares out at him, bright yellow-paper eyes narrowed as it farts loudly. 

"Got him!" Sonny says, standing up from behind Rafael's desk. There's a thin layer of dust over his face and hair, and Rafael decides not to consider how that happened. The second gremlin is pouting in its containment box as Sonny sets it on the desk, then moves to the couch. 

"How are you going to get it out of there?"

"Bribery," Sonny replies. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out an evidence bag. "I keep one of these around just in case," he says. "You're gonna want to cover your nose."

Rafael covers his nose as he looks at the bag. There's a stack of papers, clearly damp and moldy. He takes a couple of steps back as Sonny opens the bag and points it towards the gremlin. 

"Hey, buddy," Sonny says quietly, shaking the bag lightly. "If you leave that book alone, you can pop right into these papers." He sets the bag down on the floor and takes a big step back. "Come on, fresh mold that's all yours."

The book gremlin snuffles and pokes its head out. Sonny holds up a hand to keep Rafael from moving. The book gremlin eyes them both for a few seconds, then scuttles forward cautiously, sniffing at the bag for a few seconds. There's a burst of dust, then a squelching sound, and Rafael's law book is inert on the carpet. 

The book gremlin comes running out of the evidence bag, bounding up to Sonny like a friendly dog. It runs around Sonny's legs, then disappears. 

"Where did it go?"

"Wherever they live," Sonny says with a shrug. "We've tried to tag them before, but something about however they travel to where they go makes it impossible to get any readings on the other side."

"Is my book safe?" Rafael asks, poking the book with his umbrella.

"Should be fine. They don't leave residue if you can get them to leave a book willingly." Sonny reaches down and picks up the book. He flips it open and flutters the pages. "No dust," he says, flashing Rafael a quick grin.

Rafael looks at the two contained book gremlins. "What about them?"

"I'll get them in the Not-Space, and the Cleaners will take it from there. They've got a big collection of gross, old books to get them out of your books. Once they've jumped into them, they'll likely disappear, too."

"Likely?"

"Worst case, they'll sneak into the House library and hope someone pulls them off a shelf so they can fart on them and laugh." Sonny laughs quietly at the pained look on Rafael's face. "Don't worry. Your books will come back clean. I promise."

"You don't know where they go when they disappear," Rafael says. "Any idea how they even end up here?"

"There's a couple of theories. Nothing proven. Best guess right now is that wherever they come from has lots of spaces that smell and feel like old books for them to live in. They end up in our books because there are thin liminal spaces between us and them, and we've got books for them to hide in and people to fart on."

Rafael sighs. "Charming."

Sonny laughs. "I know, right?" He glances around Rafael's office. "I'll get these dust spots cleaned up before they grow into dust moths. If they farted anywhere you can't easily see, you may end up with a small infestation. Just call me again. They're easy to take care of."

"I appreciate you coming over," Rafael replies. 

"You could thank me with a drink if you wanted," Sonny says, his grin bright but a little unsure. "But I'm willing to buy if it sweetens the deal."

Rafael feels himself smiling. "I can buy," he says. "But I get to ask you annoying questions about being a Blue Stone."

Sonny's grin gets fully confident. "Sounds good."

*

They meet for that drink two nights later. Rafael wears a favorite, burgundy sweater. Sonny wears a soft, plaid flannel. Rafael orders a Manhattan. Sonny gets a beer. They give each other a long, measured look before Sonny lifts his beer in a toast. 

"To no dust moths," he says. 

Rafael smirks. "Sure," he replies and taps his glass to Sonny's bottle. He takes a sip of his Manhattan and sets it on the coaster. 

"So," Sonny says as he sets down his beer. "What annoying questions do you have?"

Rafael full-on grins. "Probably nothing you haven't heard before. But I've only ever known Blue Stones professionally, and I prefer not to bother them when they're working."

"What sort of issues have you had before?"

"Same as anyone, I guess. When I was a kid, we saw a lot of water goblins. Old building. Old pipes. Lots of grime."

"The golden trifecta," Sonny says. 

"My _abuelita_ loves used books, so there were sometimes book gremlins. Anxiety beetles in the law library at Harvard during finals," Rafael chuckles along with Sonny's quiet laugh. "Fire ants when they were pulling asbestos out of my first apartment building."

Sonny groans. "I've only heard the stories of what a pain in the ass the asbestos clear out was. I am so glad I was too young to deal with it."

"Are there journals from previous Blue Stones?" Rafael asks. It's not one of the questions he's been thinking about, but he realizes he has no idea how Blue Stones pass knowledge, except that he knows there's the school where they all train. 

"Tons," Sonny replies. "There's a whole class on journaling, actually. There's also the case files for the official caseload, the Cleaner files, and the archivists who go out and take oral histories from other Blue Stones."

"What's the difference between an official case and a Cleaner file?" Rafael asks. 

"Generally, a case file is handled by a local Blue Stone because someone calls in something active. A Cleaner goes in after and unfucks whatever left over magic might be a problem," Sonny explains. "There's some crossover, though. If the issue is currently happening but not an immediate threat, a Cleaner may get called out rather than the local Blue Stone taking care of it because the solution could take more time than the Aunties want a local Blue Stone to spend."

"And Aunties are the teachers, right?"

"Yeah," Sonny answers. 

Rafael considers that as he takes another sip of his drink. "Have there been male teachers?"

"Very occasionally," Sonny says. "And I'm pretty sure I know where this question is going." 

Rafael meets Sonny's amused grin with one of his own. "Tell me where it's going."

"You're wondering what Blue Stones call a male instructor. And you're probably wondering what we call a nonbianary instructor."

"Got it in one."

"We call them what they want to be called," Sonny says with a shrug. "I think all the male instructors have used 'Uncle,' but when Merriam-Webster added 'Mx.,' the staff put out a notice that a couple of the teachers I'd called Auntie had switched over. But it's also just really common to assume anyone in a teaching position goes by Auntie, so while it's definitely a gendered word outside of Blue Stone circles, it's not necessarily as strictly gendered within our circles."

"How many other cismen were in school with you?"

Sonny snorts. "Just me. It's still an uphill battle to convince young cismen that there's nothing wrong with being a Blue Stone."

Rafael thinks about that. "How does a good, Catholic boy from Staten Island end up raised with such a low dose of toxic masculinity that he's able to become a Blue Stone and still have a relationship with his family?"

Sonny laughs, then leans in close. Rafael leans towards him as well. "The answer to a question like that requires at least dinner and a good night kiss," he says. "If you're interested."

Rafael nods slowly. "Can the good night kiss happen tonight?"

"No reason not to," Sonny says. "We could do it right now, even, just to get it out of the way."

Rafael takes a moment to stare at Sonny's mouth. "I think I'll wait," he says, making a point to slowly drag his eyes from Sonny's mouth to meet his gaze. "Tell me something else about you."

"I'm an open book," Sonny says, leaning back in his chair and opening his arms. "What do you want to know?"

**Author's Note:**

> So, yes, I used the crack crossover option on the Barisi Fiction Archive bingo card to go fully self-indulgent and have Sonny be a Blue Stone. If you would like to learn more about Blue Stones ~~visit your local library~~ look up FB Wickersham. That's the name I write under for those. They're all here on the archive.


End file.
